


Name the Stars (And Know Their Dark Returning)

by kaspsass



Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Pennywise (IT), Eddie Kaspbrak-centric, High School AU, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Modern AU, New Kid AU, Richie and eddie are theatre nerds, Sonia Kaspbrak's A+ Parenting, fuck that clown, i'll update these tags as we go, one sided kaspbrough in the beginning but it wont last, richies parents are Trying, slowburn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-16
Updated: 2018-05-04
Packaged: 2019-04-23 15:44:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14335746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaspsass/pseuds/kaspsass
Summary: Eddie didn’t think he was destined to put puzzles together. He didn’t think he would ever like mending things together with stitching, he thought he would never love to be at home.





	1. Mama who bore me

**Author's Note:**

> “Would you dam the flowing river,  
> Thinking it would cease to flow?  
> Onward it must go forever --  
> Better teach it where to go.” - David Bates

 

He’s never liked puzzles.

Eddie remembers when he was young, about five, he didn’t have any friends. Not like it mattered at least, his mother would never had let him outside anyways. No, it would always be Eddie Kaspbrak, the boy who kept quiet in his kindergarten class, coloring or listening intently to the story. Avoiding the sand pit and the swings. Hell, avoiding the entire class. It’s not like he was exactly asking to be approached. Though, he’s never liked playing with puzzles. It was hard for him to put the pieces together. It was just difficult to find which piece fit where, he never liked sitting down with his mother and doing a one thousand piece puzzle with her. He wondered, what was the appeal in trying to put something back together? What was the point if it was already scattered, broken in a thousand small pieces, fitting in the palm of his hand perfectly? All to add up to what? Some stupid picture? It was why Eddie always hid when his mother called out the same  _ ‘Eddiebear! I have a puzzle we can do!’ _ that he’s never liked hearing. He always hid in the same place, under blankets and behind his stuffed animals in his closet, where he felt the safest. 

His mother always found him, considering he was always hidden in the same exact place. He had vague memories of before it had happened, his father would just let Eddie hide and do that stupid puzzle with his mother. However, when he had passed away, Eddie was taken out of hiding, scolded for possibly make his newly diagnosed asthma act up, and dragged off to do a puzzle he didn’t want to take any part of. Eventually, Eddie stopped fighting his mother on doing things with her. He was not only forced to do puzzles, but also shown sewing. Another thing the young boy didn’t care for. Once again, what was the point of mending something that was ripped? Something torn? Why make a t-shirt that he could easily just ask his mother to buy from a department store?

Eddie didn’t want to do puzzles or sew. He didn’t want to stay inside all day and watch his mother’s soaps that he only half understood at the young age of five. He didn’t want to spend his whole life inside, when there was so much outside to explore.

When Eddie was seven years old, he met Bill Denbrough, who was nice. He was kind, he gave Eddie a flower. It was a real one, and not the fake ones that smelled like cheap plastic. It was one that grew from the Earth the young boy had never gotten to experience, it was grown by the rain that Eddie was always shunned from. Bill somehow convinced his mother to let him go outside, he somehow helped Eddie explore the wonderful world, and they did it together. 

Bill Denbrough wasn’t a puzzle Eddie needed to put together. The boy wasn’t shattered in a thousand pieces. He wasn’t something he needed to stitch back together, he was a person. He was Eddie’s first friend. Together, they played games. They pretended they were pirates, or werewolves, or vampires, hell, sometimes they pretended they were knights or princes. Eddie got to play in the dirt, he got to play with mud, he got to be in the rain. With Bill, he could get his lavender colored shirt dirty. It didn’t matter, because Bill’s mother would kindly wash Eddie’s messy shirt or mud covered pants, and Eddie would just borrow something of Bill’s. Granted, it didn’t fit him, but he always got home safely and in clean clothes.

Eddie was always told before Bill that he was delicate, fragile, sickly. He hated being any of those things. He knew he wasn’t destined to be putting puzzles together for the rest of his life, he knew he wasn’t destined to be sewing things back together, he wasn’t destined to stay inside every day. He wasn’t destined to never experience how nice the sun felt against his skin, how cold the rain could be. He was destined to live, he was destined to be free. It was a refreshing thought in the young boy’s mind. Bill became his best friend. Older kids would always comment on the both of them. Bill, on his stutter, and Eddie, on having a watch that went off every few hours to tell him when to take his pills, for being fragile. When the kids shot insults at him, he had to fight back somehow. Bill started fighting back with him.

In fourth grade, the duo became a trio, Stanley Uris was someone that was always as quiet as Eddie used to be, he was snappy, he didn’t talk to a lot of people. He was always reading a book with birds on the cover, he always stayed out in the grass, more near the trees with a pair of binoculars. Bill had been the one to point him out. He was the one who sat next to Stan, asking him about the birds in the book. And Eddie had simply followed. He would follow Bill everywhere and anywhere. It was simply the way of the world, Bill had this pull to him. Any person he touched was permanently attached to him, as if by a string. It could easily be ripped or cut away from, it was completely your choice to follow Bill. And Eddie wanted to follow Bill.

Stanley had made himself a wonderful friend. He was a kind person, he taught the two all about the birds he loved to study and watch. Stanley found a beauty in things that most kids didn’t care for. He found beauty in nature, and like Eddie, he found beauty in Bill. He had chosen to follow him as well.

In the eighth grade, the trio met Ben Hanscom. He was new, and only had one friend, being Beverly Marsh. Ben was very to himself if he wasn’t around Beverly. On the first day of school, Ben told his class a story of his father. He was brushed off by most, and made fun of by many of the same people who bullied Bill, Stan, and Eddie. It was halfway through the year when Ben had nervously walked up to their table, telling them that he couldn’t find Beverly. He asked if he could sit with them, and of course, Bill responded with a definite yes. Eddie got to know more stories of Ben, how growing up with a dad in the army was. He had moved after his father’s death, and was now living with his aunt, mother, and cousin. He was kind, and even funny. 

The next day, Beverly and Ben had shown up. Beverly Marsh was a kind girl with the most beautiful red hair Eddie had ever seen, of course, he had admired it before, but it was a fire that he had never thought could be real. She sat with them, cracking jokes, and making even Stanley laugh. She made a wonderful friend. 

Over the summer before high school, they had met Mike Hanlon. Mike was different from everyone else, but the same as them. Mike was being assaulted, there was no other word for it, he was being assaulted by Henry Bowers and his gang. Beverly had thrown the first rock to defend Mike, and eventually they had all started throwing rocks. Henry Bowers had left with shouting after them that they were losers, and Mike decided to follow Bill to the end of the earth as well.

All of them were bound to Bill, and Bill was bound to them. It was the way it worked. Each six of them loved Bill, through everything. Eddie loved him for showing him the world he was once never allowed to see, he knew there were most likely reasons why everyone else loved Bill endlessly, why everyone else was tied to Bill by a thin string. Bill Denbrough was the most caring and kind person that any of them had ever met, and that was enough for all of them.

Through his childhood, Eddie stopped playing in the mud and the dirt. His mother told him that his allergies would act up if he didn’t. When Eddie didn’t believe her, she took the young boy to doctors, plenty of them, the doctors telling him the same thing. he was allergic to nearly everything outside, his asthma could only get worse, and his heart was in potential danger. Which is why he took all the medicine he did. He knew his mother, knew she would never lie to him. And that was fact for thirteen years, until the pharmacist had enough with Sonia Kaspbrak tricking her son. He told him that his pills were fake, his asthma was fake, and the only sick one was his mother. Eddie didn’t believe him, he knew he had asthma. He knew because he had asthma attacks every time he had to run too fast, or when he needed to speak in front of the class, but it was explained to him that half of it was in his head, and the other half was most likely anxiety. 

That was the day Eddie went home angry, the day he had flushed all his pills down the toilet and cried. When his mother found him, it was one of their biggest fights. He screamed at the top of his lungs, anger flooding him, that the pills were fake all along. Tears streamed down his face, but she had just stared. She had just calmly told him that his pills helped him, but Eddie knew behind the calm exterior his mother was shocked. Shocked that her obedient son, her little Eddiebear, would yell at her. Scream, throw a tantrum unlike anything he had ever done. Eddie wasn’t a little boy anymore. He was growing and changing, he was being held down by the very woman who was supposed to love him for who he is. It wasn't the asthma that suffocated him, it was her. It had always been her

Once she had left, Eddie snuck out to Bill’s, and had just cried to his best friend. He ranted for what seemed like hours, but was probably only a good half hour. By the end of it, both boys were crying, Eddie’s head in Bill’s lap. Bill had ran his hand through Eddie’s hair, stuttering out apologies that ran endlessly.

“I’m suh-suh-sorry sheh-she did this to you, Eh-Eddie.” Bill had whispered through his own tears. 

With a small sniffle, Eddie responded, “It’s not your fault Billy. You didn’t know and neither did I. It’s like she doesn’t even love me, she just loves the idea of me. The idea of not being alone.” he spoke his last part coldly, lip trembling again.

“One duh-day you’re guh-guh-gonna f-f-f-find suh-someone who v-v-values you f-for who you are. Not beh-because they suh-see you as suh-suh-someone else.” Bill promised him. Bill didn’t know, but Eddie wished more than anything for Bill to be that someone. Instead, Eddie nodded, and let Bill comb his hands through Eddie’s hair, basking in the small comfort it provided.

And the next week, he was back at the pharmacy, getting more placebos. He still popped them into his mouth like candies when he was around his mother, because it won’t help him, but it certainly helped his mother.

Eddie didn’t think he was destined to put puzzles together. He didn’t think he would ever like mending things together with stitching, he thought he would never love to be at home.

However, in his junior year, Eddie was introduced to the new kid, Richie Tozier, by Bill. Eddie knew him from his English class, but didn’t pay much attention to him. But Bill had been the one to bring him over and sit him down, and Eddie was accidentally given the most complicated puzzle he would have ever been given in his life.


	2. I'm gonna be wounded

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “When I met you  
> They sky burned,  
> And so did I.”  
> -David Jones

Eddie remembered the day Richie Tozier entered his life, and had made things difficult. Bill Denbrough was his world, it was like he had hung the moon and the stars himself. And it should be that way, shouldn’t it? Bill was, afterall, the most important person in Eddie’s life. He was his best friend, his crush since fifth grade, the only thing that was ever on his mind. Eddie had woken up to his phone alarm blaring, and had begun the day as he normally would. He got up after a few minutes of scrolling through notifications, checking up on things, before getting dressed. He wore a wide variety of things, he enjoyed almost every fashion statement you could make. Beverly had helped him buy the majority of his wardrobe, and Eddie had decided to go with a light green sweater, paired with washed out overalls and white sneakers. He brushed his teeth before putting his clothes on, going back to his room and getting dressed. Eddie would always brush his hair how he had always liked it. He went downstairs, preparing his  and his mother’s breakfast.

His mother usually hauled downstairs after he did, and had that morning as he began to eat his cereal. “Oh Eddiebear, you look very handsome this morning.” She smiled at him. He felt a feeling of suffocation overwhelm him, a feeling he felt normally when she spoke to him. It was a feeling of dread that normally overcame him when he spoke to her, it was a feeling he hated. 

“Thank you momma.” He answered anyways, ignoring the way his chest was constricting and the way his eyes burned, begging for tears to fall down his face. She smiled at him, satisfied with his response. With a flick of her remote, she turned the news on, being about trans rights in America. She simply scoffed.

“Oh people these days are just so confused, why can’t everything be like when I was growing up? We didn’t have to worry about the fags trying to take over.” she said coldly. Eddie felt the suffocation take over him, until he could no longer eat his now soggy cereal. 

“Well momma, I have to go to school now.” He stood from his chair, standing with his bowl in hand. He went to dump it out in the sink, washing it out as well.

“Eddie darling, don’t forget your pills! They help you, you know that.” Sonia pestered. Eddie held back a sigh, simply going into his medicine cabinet. Inside held, to what Eddie had once thought was hundreds of full bottles. When he was a child, the pills weren’t there. But as he got older, they seemed to grow. They always seemed to grow. They were hundreds of pill bottles, hundreds of pills for Eddie to take. Eddie knew now everything about that cabinet. About every medicine cabinet in their house. When he had learned the truth of his pills, he had taken each bottle out, one by one, he found himself counting them. He had done this on a day his mother wasn’t home, so he could check every cabinet. It had added up to 61, and that was only the cabinet in their kitchen. The cabinet in all of their bathrooms looked like that as well, the only bathroom downstairs held 37, the one he frequented had 29, but his mother’s was by far the one with the most, holding 86 bottles, added together from two cabinets.

When he was taking them out, most of them were empty. A good majority, actually. Every bottle that was marked a prescription downstairs was to Eddie. The only ones that were filled were five of them, with the five sugar pills he had to take everyday, four times a day. These pills took up most of them, the others were all for pain relief, or cold medicine, regular medicine. The bathroom downstairs was all empty, all his prescriptions. The one in his own bathroom, some pain relief and cold medicine, the rest empty.

The medication in his mothers was all different. They were all, for the most part, filled. Eddie first found diet pills, which he figured, since his mother was often frequenting the channels that sold those types of pills. However, upon further inspection, he noticed that yes, all the bottles were filled, but there were a few prescribed to her. Full bottles of expired Lexapro, Zoloft, Prozac, all antidepressants. They hadn’t been used in years. The rest were full or half empty, all prescribed to Frank Kaspbrak, Eddie’s father.

It had been then when Eddie realized that his mother needed Eddie to take the pills more than he needed to take them, so, Eddie took them every day when he was with her. He had long thrown out his inhaler, it was fake anyways, but his belief of his mother only loving the son she thought she had still reigned as truth in his mind.

That was four years ago, when Eddie was still angry. He wasn’t angry with her anymore, he felt suffocated. He felt trapped, he just waited for next August to come and for his Eighteenth to be celebrated. Then it was goodbye Derry, goodbye sugar pills, and most importantly, goodbye Sonia Kaspbrak. 

Eddie down the five pills with a small bit of water, knowing they would do nothing. He routinely kissed her cheek, leaving the house to begin walking to school.

 

The first day of school will always be the most difficult one. Being a junior was already tough, and he was only in his first period class. He was still pretty affected by the habits he had developed as a child, always putting on hand sanitizer before picking up his pencil.

_ (Eddiebear, make sure you always use the hand sanitizer so when germs jump on you, they don’t stay for too long!) _

Though, Eddie never really bothered to try and break the habit. Sure, it was rude when someone tried shaking his hand and he went to instantly wash his hands or sanitize them, but he didn’t shake hands with most people. He didn’t need too, it was something that didn’t affect him as much anymore. Not like when he was a child, when he needed to shake hands.

He took out his notebook, tapping the pencil on it’s cover as he did so. Class began not so later, English was already proving itself to be easy, the teacher explained most of his class would be based off notes and reading from textbook. It was the easiest way for Eddie to pass a class. While other students internalized their groans of disappointment, Eddie had cheered internally. At least his first period would be easy.

In the middle of Mr. Sheik’s introduction, a boy came in, disheveled and seemingly messy, but Eddie thought he could be-

Well, he could be his ticket into moving on from Bill Denbrough.

In all honesty, this new kid was attractive. His cheekbones were sharp, his jawline was defined. He looked dangerously pale, as if he had come from a place that was washed up and castover, where the sun never met the sky. This made it easier to see his freckles, dotting every inch of his face. Eddie’s always hated his own freckles, but this boy, no, this model made it work. His hair was messy, curly, and Eddie could imagine himself tangling his hands between strands. Sure, he wasn’t attractive in a traditional way, Eddie wondered if anyone else could see this new kid in the light he could, but he didn’t mind it. His fashion choices were questionable, yet so were Eddie’s some days. Though, the new kid’s clothes were questionable in an entirely different way. His jeans were ripped, he wore a novelty t-shirt he found from who knows where, the design being a unicorn in front of a rainbow and the text reading  _ ‘totally straight’ _ , however it was paired with a hideous hawaiian shirt that Eddie could see under his jean jacket. Eddie could clearly see his eyes behind his glasses, or at least clear enough to see they were a warm brown. He was tall, taller than Mr. Sheik, and Eddie was taken with him.

“Ah, you must be our new student. Did you get lost?” Mr. Sheik asked.

The new kid shrugged, nodding as he did. “Yeah, I got lost nine times in this motherfucker.” He rolled his eyes. Mr. Sheik simply grinned a bit, but quickly wiped the look off his face. 

“Language, please. You must be Richard Tozier.” The teacher read off a piece of paper on his desk, looking back up at the new student for clarification.

“Richie, actually. But the ladies can just call me what they care most about me, Dick.” Richie had stated, a large grin on his face as he faced the class.

That was when the ticket to moving on from Bill had been snatched out of his hands.

There was no way in hell Eddie would let himself be even acquainted with the new student.

 

Well, that’s what Eddie had thought at least. As soon as Bill arrived to the table, holding his girlfriend, Amelia’s hand in his, and having another guest with him.

“G-guys, this is Richie, he’s new, so he’ll be sitting with uh-us.” Bill had smiled at the loud new kid. Much different from when Ben was new. Eddie didn’t pay attention to Richie, even when he sat next to him in the seat he was saving for Beverly. Whatever they were doing, probably introductions, Eddie tried thinking about anything else. He thought about his math class, which he was unfortunately situated with Bill and Amelia. 

It’s not that Eddie hated Amelia. Honestly, she was very sweet. She was kind, she didn’t think Eddie was odd for constantly sanitizing his hands, she liked the same music he did, and had even went on his and Bev’s second shopping trip. She was everything Bill deserved.

Bill was simply incredible, he had been going to speech therapy for three years, and had reduced his stuttering more and more every day. Not that it mattered to any of them, everyone who sat with Bill Denbrough knew they were a Loser, a title they all wore proudly.

“Eddie? Aren’t you going to introduce yourself?” Mike’s voice had asked him. Eddie’s eyes had snapped to his friend. Mike gave a gentle smile of encouragement. Mike was the one of the only people who knew about his crush on Bill, aside from Beverly. He had already came out to his friends in freshman year, he just never told anyone the story of why he had made the self discovery.

Eddie simply scoffed, but before he could reply, a hand was being thrown on his shoulder, causing his eyes to pop out as he was being dragged into someone. Of course, it was the loud boy beside him. “Nah, Eds and I are already acquainted, even though I’m just  _ now _ figuring out this cutie’s name, we have first period together.” Richie gave another signature grin.

Eddie shoved the nearly stranger off of him. “God, get off of me, I barely know you!” Eddie huffed, glaring at the other. Yep, any chance of even liking Richie was completely out the window. 

“Oh, a fiery one! Well, I do love a challenge.” Richie’s grin stayed. Eddie simply ignored him again, scooting towards Amelia, who was the nearest, cleanest person there. No, Eddie wouldn’t say he hated his friends. He loved the Losers, they were his best friends and that’s all he ever wanted, but Richie Tozier was not a Loser. He may be different in the same way they were, but he wasn’t one of them. He could sit with them, he could talk to them, but to Eddie, he wasn’t a Loser. He was just an intruder. An intruder Eddie spent the rest of the lunch period praying away.

However, no God in the sky would grant him peace from Richie Tozier.

He was in all of Eddie’s afternoon classes, situated either next to him or in front of him, and Eddie absolutely hated it. He talked his ear off every class period, every walk between them as well, swooning in some whatever accent about how ‘Gentlemanly Eddie was walking him to each and every one of his classes!’. He cracked jokes that weren’t that good, but Richie still laughed at them. Part of Eddie wanted to laugh at them, and he thought that maybe if things were said differently, Eddie wouldn’t want the stupid new kid to go back to where he came from. Eddie was just some challenge to Richie, a challenge for Richie to win. To win what, Eddie had no idea yet. But, it was clear to him that’s all Eddie really was to him. Some stupid challenge. Whatever the stupid idea that idiot had, he had left Eddie drained by the end of the school day. He had barely shook off the clingy teenager, thanking the stars in heaven when he came home to an empty house. He resumed his afternoon routine, falling asleep for ten minute intervals from simply being exhausted, though he still had any of his homework done, and all his chores done as well. As soon as he had eaten a silent dinner with his mother and washed the plates, took a shower and dressed into his pajamas, he laid down in his bed and nearly instantly fell asleep, with stupid, stupid Richie Tozier on his mind instead of Bill Denbrough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi okay apparently updates are every saturday, I hope  
> Please leave a comment or a kudo, i love yall   
> my tumblr is @sparklesbyelers so you can chat with me about this fic there too


	3. Whispers of Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You have nothing to offer me, no intellect, no skill,  
> nothing in my heart I wish you to instill.  
> But you call me smart, sarcastic, and pretty,  
> while I insult you or look down with pity.” - Anna M.

The next morning had been virtually the same, the same routine, the same breakfast. However, instead of the news, Sonia opted to watch her soaps. Eddie remembered being five years old, sitting on the couch next to his mother’s chair and watching them. They were boring, the only entertainment in the house. It was what they did when they weren’t at the hospital during visiting hours. 

There was a long period of time, Eddie remembered, where he did not see his mother at all. She had left him to walk home with his kindergarten teacher instead of his mother. He cried the days his mother wasn’t there to pick him up from school. When he would get home, his face tracked with fresh tears, he would see his mother watching the same soap operas he detested. He would see her, staring at the screen, almost completely catatonic. It happened for months until she began to drag him to hospitals and told him he was sick. He wondered if it was the same sickness his father had, he wondered if he would be torn from the world like his father was. And mostly, he wondered if when he was gone, would his mother stare at the tv all day with an incomprehensible expression like she had when his dad has passed?

Eddie didn’t like remembering what that was like. He hated feeling suffocated by his feelings, he hated being suffocated by his mother’s love.

He left for school again, downing all the placebos he had to take, walking down the path he had been walking down for years. Derry was a small town, they had the schools in all the same area. The elementary school was a block away from the middle school, and, was a block closer to Eddie’s house. The high school was across the street from the middle school.

“Eddie Spaghetti!” He heard an obnoxious voice yell out, after about a minute into his walk. He was barely halfway down the street, before he turned and glared at the person calling his name. Of course, it was none other than the most annoying man on the face of the Earth, Richie Tozier. He was still wearing another hawaiian shirt, but today, the novelty shirt had just been a picture of a pig dabbing, something Eddie found incredibly annoying just by looking at it. The shirt was just stupid, yet it radiated everything that Eddie saw fit to be Richie, considering the one day he had known him for.

“That’s not my fucking name.” Eddie glared after him, stopping in his tracks and waiting for him anyways. He should have just picked up the speed, it would be much faster that way, he wouldn’t have been cursed to have walked to school that morning with Richie Tozier. Richie ran up to him, seemingly out of breath, despite Eddie watching him run for about 10 seconds.

“Well, you’re name’s in it, ain’t it Eds?” Richie gave a half grin. Eddie simply glared at him, turning away and walking again. “Hey, who shit in your cereal?”

“Fuck off, every morning is hell and I’m always grumpy. Get fucking used to it, if we’re going to spend every morning together. Of course you’re the family that moved into that house down the street.” Eddie huffed. The house he was had moved into was at the end of the street Eddie lived on, the corner of it, in fact, it had been empty for as long as Eddie could remember. It was huge, for one thing, it was nice too. Eddie always wondered what it looked like, and had heard construction going on during mornings over the summer. He wondered what it looked like before the remodeling, not like it mattered, he would never step foot into it anyways. Especially if Richie Tozier, of all people, lived there.

“Aw Spaghetti, you really think we’ll be spending every morning together, walking to school?” Richie asked in a mock sing songy voice. Eddie already wanted to shove the obnoxiously tall kid down a fucking cliff.

“God, don’t fucking curse me. We have first period together. I’ll start leaving earlier if it means I get to avoid you.” Eddie huffed. He already hated mornings more than he needed too, and he could tell the hatred for mornings would only grow.

“Oh baby, you wound me!” Richie sighed dramatically, clutching his heart and leaning on Eddie. Eddie shoved him off, nearly into the street as they walked. “You certainly are a fiery one Eds, have I mentioned how much I want to get burned by your personality yet?”

Eddie let out a loud laugh at that. God, even his lines reflected how annoying he really was. “Oh my god, does that ever work? Your stupid pick up lines? Or are those all to get under someone’s skin?” He asked, a smirk clear on Eddie’s face.

“Mm, mostly they’re to get into your pants. Or your mom’s, either one I have no problem with getting into.” Richie winked. Eddie gagged, shoving the boy next to him.

“You’re fucking gross, how does anyone tolerate you? I truly don’t understand.” Eddie huffed, crossing his arms. 

“Wow, you sound exactly like my father Eds! Maybe you two can meet and really hash it out.” He nudged the smaller boy, the smile never leaving his face. Eddie wondered how he could do that, how he can say something fucked up and then look at Eddie smiling.

“That’s not my fucking name.” Eddie hissed out, tearing his eyes from Richie to the sidewalk ahead of them. They weren’t that far from the school now, Eddie could hopefully last five more minutes with Richie Tozier, couldn’t he?

With another five minutes of the same banter, the two reached the school and soon their classroom. They were luckily situated on the other side of the classroom, and Eddie got his notebook out and began taking notes like Mr. Sheik had told them too. He followed along with the lesson and had began to do the work shortly after, although doing work with Richie Tozier in the room was a nightmare, Eddie was just glad he wasn’t the one sitting next to him.

 

His next class was spent with Beverly in Physics, a class that the teacher was thankfully nice in, who had let them choose their own seats. 

“I hate him, Bev! He’s the most annoying person on the face of the Earth.” Eddie complained, harshly filled

Beverly, seated on his left and watching with amused smirk on her face that he hadn’t noticed yet. “You know, for someone who hates him, you sure talk about him a lot. Last night you called me just to complain about something he did in fifth.” Beverly rose an eyebrow at him. “You sure you know who you have a crush on at this point?” She teased, giving him a joking wink.

Eddie huffed, putting his pencil down and turning to Beverly with a look of annoyance on his face. “Yes! I know that I- Well, maybe. I don’t know, maybe I should just give up, right? I mean, He’s obviously straight.” Eddie huffed, his look of annoyance turning into sad realization. The reality of his situation was Bill is a straight man, he has a girlfriend, and has been in love with her for years, ever since their freshman year. Maybe Eddie didn’t even like Bill anymore, maybe his chest really did stop feeling light and fluttery around Bill. Maybe he hadn’t noticed that his smile now disappeared around him for other reasons other than sadness, sadness that Bill wasn’t in love with Eddie. Though Eddie had spent so much of his time, surrounding himself with ending his crush on Bill Denbrough to notice that maybe, just maybe, his crush on his best friend had ended. “Maybe I don’t even like him anymore.” Eddie ended with.

Beverly frowned a bit, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. Beverly was one of Eddie’s closest friends, maybe they weren’t as close as he and Bill were, but Eddie thought that either way, they were pretty damn close. “Hey, Maybe you do, maybe you don’t. But there are a couple cute guys I’ve seen staring at you the past couple years. How about I set you up on some blind dates, and you see who you like. Pay more attention to how you feel around Bill, if you get that fluttery feeling you used to always talk my ear off about, or if your hands get sweaty around him, or if-”   
“Yeah yeah, I get it.” Eddie grumbled. “Wait, blind dates? You’re not gonna set me up with anyone terrible right?” He asked.

“No, I’m not setting you up with Richie.” Beverly rolled her eyes.

Eddie gave her a look of doubt, “Promise?”

“Nope, but I will if you want me too.”

“Then how the fuck will that count as a blind date, Bev?”

“It’ll be blind for him.” She shrugged, biting her pencil. “God, I need a smoke break after this class. And a smoking buddy.” Beverly huffed, looking over at Eddie with a pleading look.

His eyes widened when he had realized what she was asking, “I’m not skipping to watch you fill your lungs with ashes Beverly!” Eddie hissed, lightly smacking her arm. Beverly simply laughed.

“Fine! I’ll just find Ben and ask him, he likes to smoke here and there.” She grinned, shrugging.

Eddie rolled his eyes, turning to his paper again.

“You have a habit of turning the good eggs bad.” He huffed.

“What can I say? I like a man who can keep up with me.” She smirked. Beverly and Ben were not together, but as far as Eddie could tell, they both desperately wanted to be.

“Bevvie, you sure are something.” Eddie simply said, beginning his work again.

 

Third period passed, quiet without Ben there to talk too and analyze the civil war, none of their classmates were good enough to do so. Ben was just the smartest in there, except when it came to Beverly. Years of writing poetry unsigned had simply been an outlet for Ben, and while Eddie was glad it was kind of working, Eddie wondered if he was ever going to get his shit together and ask her out.

Lunch had rolled around, and Eddie was back at the lunch table, sandwiched between Amelia and Stan. He had mostly been in a conversation with Amelia and Bill, and noticed that, no, he didn’t have the fluttery feeling anymore. His hands didn’t sweat when Bill included him in conversation. He didn’t want to smile and blush every time Bill did as much as look in his general direction. It seemed to Eddie that maybe focussing everything on not liking Bill had worked. And honestly, he sort of loved to not love Bill.

Of course, Eddie still loved Bill. He was kind, caring, and amazing person, but those were the things that made him a good friend to Eddie. Those were the things Eddie had fallen in love with when they were seven, but fallen in love in an innocent way. A way he didn’t at the time understand, and it was nice to simply have a best friend instead of having a crush. He liked the change. No, he loved it.

“Of course they’re gonna cast you in the show, Eddie, are you even kidding? Ms. Reinbeck loves you!” Amelia had smiled. Her smile was bright, everything about her was, in fact. Her hair was a bright shade of blue, bleached and dyed, but the most beautiful blue Eddie had ever seen. She wore bright clothes, and she had almost always wore highlighter on her cheekbones, giving her an artificial glow. Although, Eddie was sure the girl would glow all by herself. Amelia was warm and bright in a way that made everyone have the same warmth. Amelia’s eyes were a shade of green Eddie admired, and Eddie simply loved Amelia. He felt the same love he felt towards all of his friends, he had realized. The way Bill described her brightness, he knew with Amelia, Bill felt warm and safe.

“She loves you too, maybe you should go out for a part too.” Eddie grinned in suggestion. Amelia had always been apart of theatre, just as much as Eddie had been. She always was in Eddie’s theatre classes, she always worked tech. They always called her ‘The Queen of Techies’, ever since their last show of Oklahoma, when she had saved the show by single handedly fixing the lightboard. Though, she was also an amazing actor, and Eddie didn’t know how she hadn’t gone out for a part yet.

“Well, I’m not that good.” Amelia smiled, looking down at her hands.

“Are you k-kidding? Eddie’s ruh-right, I’ve seen you act and sing and you’re amazing.” Bill had encouraged, wrapping an arm around her. Eddie waited for the twinge of jealousy, but it never came, only happiness for the two of them. He smiled softly, nudging Amelia lightly.

“Fine! Fine, you know what? I’ll try out.” Amelia smiled. She leaned into Bill’s side, before reaching a hand up and gently tapping his cheek. Eddie watched as they kiss for a second, and didn’t feel jealous. It was a nice feeling.   
“Ooh, what are we trying out for?” A voice said, Eddie snapping his head towards the source. He glared at Richie before huffing. 

“Not you, trashmouth.” Eddie glared.

“The school play.” Beverly told him from the left.

“Musical.” Eddie corrected. “We’re putting on She Loves Me.” He stated proudly.

Richie’s eyes lit up, “I love that shit! I’ve gotta try out, thanks for telling me, Bevvy.” He exclaimed, “So when are auditions? Do I gotta like, have a song prepared or some shit like that?”

“Yeah,” Amelia answered. “They’re also week on Thursday.” She smiled.

“Amelia not you too.” Eddie groaned, putting his head on the table. “Am I the only one against this?”   
Eddie heard Stan sigh beside him, nudging him. “Get your head up and stop whining, you always get upset when you realize the lack of dick in the theatre department, and Richie’s the biggest dick around.” He pointed out.

“Awh Stanny! I’m glad you know who really has the biggest dick at this table.” He grinned at him, before turning to Eddie. “And just so you know Eds, I’d dick you down any day.” He winked, though the wink had failed, and he had slowly blinked his other eye. Eddie ignored the small amount of heat that gathered on his face at his words.

“Hard pass.” Eddie huffed, glaring him down.

Richie shrugged, “Alright then, more for your mom then.” He grinned. Eddie scoffed, and prayed for the day to come to end as soon as possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm staying??? Consistent????? Hm new things ig


	4. They say we go blind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You are annoying  
> And I hate you.  
> But my eyes,  
> My eyes suggest otherwise.”  
> \-- Eleanor Rigby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early update because i'n doing tech for my schools play and will not get to update this tomorrow since i'll be helping out all day!  
> Also my school is putting on she loves me next year and im so excited so expect more updates then

The week had passed, most going exactly how he had thought it would. It had gone with the same schedule, Ap Lit, Physics, AP US History, Lunch, P.E., Honors Algebra 2, and ending it with Theatre Tech. His days were easy, aside from Richie being in almost every one of his classes. He was in his AP Lit, a class that Eddie had opted to take apart from any of his friends, Beverly accompanied him in Physics, Ben in AP US History, of course Richie had managed to join him every lunch, P.E. with Mike and Richie, Honors Algebra 2 with Bill, Amelia, and of course, Richie. And Theatre Tech, with Beverly, Mike, Ben, Amelia, and for the final time in his schedule, Richie. Though, since Richie is annoying and never can get a hint, he’s walked with Eddie to and from their houses every single day.

It’s only been a week, and Eddie Kaspbrak is tired of that shit.

After a particular annoying first period, he finally got Physics. Eddie sat next to Beverly, as usually, greeting her by slamming his head against the black metal desk.

Beverly stared at him for a solid second, “Are you okay?” She asked finally, a bit unsure of the answer.

“I need Richie to fuck off to the next continent, he’s the most annoying person I’ve ever met.” Eddie grumbled. He lifted his head from his desk. “I need you to set me up on a date.” he sighed, a sad expression on his face.

Beverly pouted, it was fake, and she poked Eddie’s cheek. “Ah, my Eddie’s growing up! Moving on from Big Bill to bigger things. Mike and I are on it. There’s a few gay kids on the football team we can set you up with.” She suggested.

Eddie huffed. “Group call after school, tell Mike next period.” He told her. Beverly shrugged. 

“Fine, I’ll go to my next period. And Richie isn’t that bad. In tech, we-”

Eddie groaned, his head hitting the table again. “Not you, you’re supposed to know best out of all of us! You’re supposed to be _ sane _ Beverly.” Eddie complained.

Beverly simply scoffed, “I am still the sane Beverly you know and love. I’m just saying, Richie, he’s kind of sweet if you get passed the obnoxious jokes. You could like him, I see the way you blush around him.”   
“I never blush!” Eddie shot up, gawking. “Bev, he has never once made me blush!”

Beverly clicked her tongue once, rolling her eyes and turning to her paper to do he work. “If you want that to be your reality, so be it.”

“Whatever.” Eddie mumbled angrily. He turned back to his own paper, seeing it was a worksheet. With auditions being tomorrow, it was going to be a long day.

As soon as Sixth period had ended that day, Eddie and Richie were on a walk home. For once, for once through the whole week, Richie was being quiet. Eddie knew he should just be happy that the annoying burden named Richie Tozier was fucking quiet, but it was weird. It was weird for Richie to be too quiet for too long. He learned he hated the silence more than his talking.

“Did someone cut your tongue off? Because if so, I’d like to personally thank them for all the silence I’ve had on this walk home.” Eddie’s voice came out slightly annoyed, but not enough to show actual annoyance. It was more playful if anything. Richie looked back at Eddie, flashing a smile.

“Ah, so my theory was right!” he cheered, pumping a fist in the air. Eddie gave him a look of confusion. RIchie continued to beam, “I thought if i remained quiet you would notice and get worried, you  _ do _ care about me.” He continued to beam. A horrifying thought crossed Eddie’s mind, a thought that made his blood run cold and his face twist from confusion to completely blank, so he wouldn’t show how shocked he was.

Eddie’s mind compared Richie smiling to the sun lighting up the Earth. He couldn’t think that, Richie wasn’t anyone Eddie would think that about, and sure he was attractive to Eddie, but he hoped that he would never have to actually admit that to anyone.

Eddie put a scowl on before his mind could have anymore thoughts. “I thought maybe someone finally cut out your tongue. Excuse me for being a bit concerned.” He huffed. Richie just continued smiling, raising a hand and gently pinching Eddie’s cheek.

“Gosh Eds, you really are a cute one!” Richie smiled.

Eddie just huffed, pushing RIchie’s hand away. “Fuck you, don’t fucking call me that.” His glare hardened.

Richie just continued to smile, completely unwavered by Eddie’s glare. “Don’t call you Eds or Cute?”

Eddie huffed again, shaking his head. “Both, dumbass.” He scowled, walking again. He was hoping that he walked fast enough to put some distance between them, but Richie took long strides and caught up with him soon enough.

“Don’t deny it too much Eds, I know you love it.” he smirked. Eddie huffed again, seeing Richie’s house across the street.

“Look, it’s your house! Go there and fucking stay there.” Eddie scowled.

Richie shrugged, smile still on his face. “You’re absolutely adorable Eds, I’ll see you tomorrow, in four out of six classes!” He waved, then skipping across the street. Eddie watched after him, sighing a bit as he did so. A part of him wanted to say ‘Don’t go’, but a more sensible part told him to let him go. Thankfully, Eddie chose silence over a trashmouth.

As Eddie walked down the street, he overlooked the sky above him. It was a brilliant blue, the kind that Eddie sees Amelia wearing every day. The white clouds dotting the sky causes a feeling of peace to surround Eddie as he walks up to his own door, unlocking it and entering the house.

Eddie’s house is empty, empty of his mother and just empty in general. The house hasn’t always been vacant, Eddie thinks, but he can’t really remember. It’s all fuzzy, but his house once looked like a home. He vaguely remembers pillow forts with his dad, he remembers pictures of his parents wedding maybe, around the house. He remembers the walls being covered in artwork. He doesn’t know if he dreamt it or not, maybe he did. All he knew was that one day after school, he had come back and the house was just empty of every decoration. The furniture was all there, though every painting was gone, and so was every photo including his father. Plastic flowers were put in a vase and kept on the dining room table. Eddie knew they were plastic, because when he touched them, they felt smooth and artificial under his touch. Not much has changed, he wondered if it wasn’t a dream, and that maybe one day his mother got up and erased every memory of his father. Eddie once though he saw the blankets used in his pillow fort with his father in their garage, but he never got a clear look. His mother not being home was strange, she hadn’t worked in years, they’ve been living off unemployment checks and his father’s life savings for years by now. Maybe before, his mother could have gotten a job, but now, Sonia Kaspbrak could barely stand without being in pain. And Eddie was deemed as his mother, ‘too sick to work’, which Eddie knew was complete bullshit.

Nonetheless, Eddie was able to breathe easy without the suffocating hand of Sonia Kaspbrak around his throat, and he went up wit his room without calling out for her, since he didn’t see her car in the driveway when he had gotten home. 

Maybe it was Eddie’s room that was so vastly different from the rest of the house, it was actually decorated. He made sure of it as soon as he had seen Bill’s room. Bill’s rom hadn’t included only a bed, desk, and a dresser, his had posters everywhere. Even his baby brother Georgie had posters, so Eddie needed them too. At seven, he only let himself draw his own posters and tape them up, but as he got older, he bought real decorations for his room. He kept stickers to put on his walls when he was ten, he had saved every sticker from every valentine’s day party he had to stick heart shaped stickers over his bed and had saved the rest he had bought for his classmates, the ones he didn’t give away. When he was twelve, he had gotten a teen magazine and ripped out the posters in the middle of the magazine, taping up pictures of celebrities he didn’t even care about at the time. Pictures of One Direction, a band he secretly loved, a few of pop singers like Katy Perry, he collected magazines and taped them everywhere. Four years later he finds his room extremely embarrassing, but at least it was decorated.

The stickers he put on the wall over his bed were fading and old, and he had to use more tape on the posters he hung up when he was a kid, but it still worked. 

After setting down his backpack, he took his laptop from his desk, logging into it and opening skype on it.

 

_ Iconic Trio _

 

**_Eddie Kaspbrak_ ** _ [3:49 PM] _

When can you guys video call? Urgent matters to discuss asap

 

**_Bev <3 _ ** _ [3:49 PM] _

urgent? hm. interesting…

 

**_Bev <3 _ ** _ [3:50 PM] _

soon. just waiting for my aunt to yeet out of the house and go to work

 

**_Mikey!_ ** _ [3:50 PM] _

I have some chores to finish up, just give me a solid fifteen and I’ll be good. Is this the dates Bevvy was telling me about today?

 

**_Eddie Kaspbrak_ ** _ [3:50 PM] _

Yeah. I’m finally ready for it, and I trust you two the most. I have other things I need to tell you too

 

**_Mikey!_ ** _ [3:50 PM] _

Ok start the call without me and I’ll join when I can

 

**_Bev <3 _ ** _ [3:50 PM] _

i’ll call soon eddie <3

 

Eddie waited patiently for Beverly’s call, chewing his nails as he anxiously waited for it. It was a habit he knew he should be breaking, but he didn’t quite have the heart to break just yet. A minute later, the skype ringtone came on and the picture of Eddie, Beverly, and Mike popped up on the screen. He answered with video call option, seeing Beverly come into view. 

If Eddie was straight, he was almost positive he would be in love with Beverly Marsh. Her hair, now shoulder length since she had let it grow out after cutting it a week into the summer before freshman year, was waved and bright red. Her freckles splattered across her skin like the most complex galaxy he had ever seen, although they were hard to make out in the grainy screen. Eddie could see her room was dimly lit, despite his room being lit by the sun. He assumed Beverly had her curtains closed to block out the majority of the sun.

“Eddie my main! Finally taking me up on my offer?” She asked, shooting a small wink. Eddie rolled his eyes, though meaning well by it.

“You’ve only kept up this offer since what, last week? Calm down, Marsh.” Eddie huffed, although a smile on his face anyways. A smile grew on her face as well, giggling a bit.

“Well, I wouldn’t have to offer if you had any game at all.” Beverly told him, a teasing smile on her face. “Really Eddie, remember when you fell off a skateboard trying to impress Bill? Or when you came to school in the most ridiculous shorts-”   
“Bevvy!” Eddie groaned, cutting her off. His many adventures to impress Bill went farther back than the start of his friendship with Beverly. He tried hard to make Bill notice him as more than a best friend, however it didn’t work out as well as he hoped.

Eddie and Beverly spent the next ten minutes chatting, before Mike finally joined the call. “Okay, okay, what’s going on?” Mike asked. 

“We’re going to get Eddie a mans!” Beverly grinned, raising her eyebrows. “Got any suggestions for our good friend here?” She asked.

“What about Richie?” Mike asked.

“Off limits, never suggest that again.” Eddie huffed, an annoyed look on his face. He noticed his face growing hot, but assumed his face was red with anger. 

“Calm down, I’m teasing you. It’s not my fault I see something going on there.” Mike shrugged, setting his phone down to prop it onto something. Beverly’s face lit up, a large smile on her face.

“I knew I wasn’t the only one! Mikey, you see it too? THeir bickering?They have something going on, I just know it.” Beverly ranted.

“There’s nothing going on! Change topics, please, for God’s  sake, no one wants that relationship to happen.” Eddie rolled his eyes. The thought of dating Richie wasn’t as bad as he thought it was, it couldn’t be. Eddie actually probably wouldn’t mind going on dates with him, but of course, Eddie would never tell anyone that. He would never tell Beverly or Mike about his dumb crush on Richie.

“Okay, okay!” Beverly grinned. “So Mikey, anyone you wanna toss into the ring?”

Mike thought for a moment, but before nodding, “What about Simon Gray? He could be a good match.”

“That jock in our PE class? That Simon Gray?” Eddie asked.

“What other Simon Gray do you know?” Mike retorted, raising an eyebrow.

“Perfect, I’ll set it up now, I have him on facebook. We’re in English together, and I’ve never seen him with anyone or heard anything.” Beverly told the other two, a smile on her face as she spoke. It was subtle, but these days, Beverly seemed so happy there was always a hint of a smile on her face, and Eddie loved that about her.

“Is he even gay?” Eddie asked, worry and panic setting in.

“Yeah, he came out on twitter awhile back. Why else would I suggest him?” Mike asked.

“Okay, fine, you’re right.” Eddie sighed.

“Aren’t we always?” Beverly shrugged. She pulled out a stick of gum, shoving it into her mouth and chewing as she texted. “It’s a go for Friday, Eight o’clock. You’re meeting him at the Aladdin.”

“What are we seeing?”

“Decide for yourself when you get there.” MIke suggested. “This is the start of your dating life, it’s a big step in the right direction.” 

Eddie nodded, chewing on his lip. Already, Eddie was nervous. Though, Mike was right. It would be the start of his dating life.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi i listen to spring awakening while listening to this so most of the chapters will be referencing it (the title is also a reference) and this is gonna be long kids, so buckle up  
> Kuddos are treasured  
> Comments are my life source i feed off of them  
> Follow my tumblr @sparklesbyelers


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